How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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