i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
