You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
