You're completely useless in the revolution.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
