I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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