Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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