i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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