you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
