Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
