Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
