i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
