There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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