I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
