Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
