also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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