I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize