I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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