my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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