I wish I could punch you in the face.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
