I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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