i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
