i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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