Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
