She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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