I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
