my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize