so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
we're so committed to being not committed
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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