So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
