even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
