really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
