Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
