i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
