I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
