Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
