I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
