I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
