I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
