Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
