Pappa wants mamma naked
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
