After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
