He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
barbara walters just said penis...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
