I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
