its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
