i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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