here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
