Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
