You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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