Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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