Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
