I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
