Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
