he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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