I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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