the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
