There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
