one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
