Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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