so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
