we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
