I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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