WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize