it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize