currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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