She's JV to your varsity
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
where are you?
Hypothermia
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
