We won't sleep together?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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