Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
