ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
